"As a parent, there is no end to the knowledge and love that I want my children to carry with them into their life and relationships. It's hard to break any of these myriad pearls of fatherly over-protectiveness and concern into five primary wishes that I have for them, but try I must.
I LOVE YOU.
Before anything else in life, it is imperative that our children know how much we love them. I hear adults tell me all the time that they went years without ever hearing their parents say that they loved them. I don't think that there is a more profound influence on our children than the sense of security and self worth they will receive from knowing without doubt, that their parents love them.
They need to know that our love--my love--is everlasting and unconditional.
Yes, they will make mistakes. Yes they will irritate us, we will argue with them and we will love them, regardless. Mistakes are made by all of us. All of us make terrible decisions that we will come to regret and so will our children. Through this however, they need to know that our love--my love--is everlasting and unconditional.
BE YOURSELF
Our children will always look to the eyes of their parents for approval. Sadly, so often they feel they have failed. They have not lived up to the expectations their parents have set for them to be this kind of son or that kind of daughter.
This little boy wants a doll and dad gets upset. "He isn't raising no fag." A little girl wants to play with trucks and 'boy things' but the pastor at church said, "I have to stomp out that lesbian spirit in my daughter and make her conform to femininity as I see it."
Those are just two examples. Dad loves sports; kids love science. Dad loves to read; kids love video games. All we can do is encourage them and love them. They look to us for their sense of self--their sense of personal value--just as we did to our parents. I want you to know that no matter what you choose to be or what you want to play with, I accept you and will be there for you.
DEFINE YOURSELF
As you grow up, you will fall in love. You will have your heart broken and you will fall in love again. It will seem as if the world rises and falls with your first loves and hopefully one day, that great and lasting love will make you feel the same way. What I want you to know is that you are the one who defines yourself. Make sure that you are loved for who you are not who someone wants you to be.
A person's love for you is real when who you are cherished, when your opinions and desires matter just as much as their own.
Have your own hobbies, your own goals, your own passions. If your partner wants to join you, that's great, but don't feel the need to remake who you are in order to conform to a set standard of what another person wants. Love is not physical attraction; it's foundation is respect. A person's love for you is real when who you are cherished, when your opinions and desires matter just as much as their own. Be a partner by first being an individual.
There is never a time when control is okay--when your friends, your job, your faith or lack of, are chosen for you. Defining who you are means that you make the decisions. Your dress, your body, your boundaries are yours and yours alone.
BE OPEN TO MISTAKES
Know, that when you are down, I will encourage you, when you are up, I will praise you, and when you reach out for a helping had, I will always extend mine.
I never want to see you hurting, but I will be happy to see you fail. Not because I don't want to see you succeed, but because I will know you are trying. Don't be afraid to take that risk, to make that plunge into the unknown. We all falter, we all fail, but what makes you who you are is how often you keep moving forward. Whether you want my help or not, you will always have it. Know, that when you are down, I will encourage you, when you are up, I will praise you, and when you reach out for a helping had, I will always extend mine.
My mistakes have not defined me, and yours will not define you, no matter how much others may want them to. You will be defined by what you choose to learn from your mistakes. The mistakes I made brought me to this point in my life. I will not judge you for yours. "Be courageous."
BE OPEN TO OTHERS
In the beginning I told you that I will always love you. What I want you to know is that we grow by loving others. Our success is not defined in what we have gained but in who we have helped. You can succeed by being honest, by being compassionate, and by having open arms for all those who need.
This does not mean that you falter over and over in your own life, but that you love yourself enough to be able to truly help others. Your strength will shine for your family, your friends and for those in need. Don't ever feel that you cannot offer a smile, a kind word or a piece of advice; but also don't forget that you can say no.
You will be who you need to be, and if I can see you carry anything on, it is that you love those in need as I have loved you.
"Photo--Ian D. Keating/Flickr"
The post 5 Things I Want My Daughters to Learn From Me appeared first on The Good Men Project.
Reference: dating-for-black-men.blogspot.com
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