Here are the results:
SPECIAL RECOGNITION FOR NOT QUITE A STORY BUT OH MAN OH MANJenniferR.Donohue 10:39amWriter of Wrongs 10:50am
SPECIAL RECOGNITION FOR WHAT LOOKS LIKE THE START OF A GOOD STORY!BK 10:54am
SPECIAL RECOGNITION FOR A POEMAli Trotta 9:26am
THE INAUGURAL TAWNA FENSKE AWARD FOR HOT WRITING!Carolynnwith2Ns 10:21am"he was so hot his sweat was flammable."
NO! NO! NOT THE A LOT!ProfeJMarie(JanetRundquist) 9:27am
A PHRASE I INTEND TO HAVE MADE IN TO A RUBBER STAMP AND USED A LOT!"editorial atrocity"Meg 10:49am
GREAT PHRASE:"Karma's a bitch, and irony's an alien."Lenny Liang 11:24am
"Words are thoughts rendered flammable"Frances D 11:23pm
"The eyes have it."Foxcreek 11:41pm
GREAT SENTENCE:"With such a sulfurous soul I thought he would be more flammable."Katie Buxton 7:32pm
"Not much in here that's flammable. Except me of course."Kirsten 11:06pm
SPECIAL RECOGNITION FOR THE META ENTRYJust Jan 12:12pm
LOVELY EXAMPLE OF TURNING A CLICH'e POV ON ITS HEAD!Jillian Schmidt 12:27Scott G 8:11pm
I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT THIS IS, BUT I DO KNOW IT'S GOOD WRITINGAmy Schaefer 12:58pm
NOT QUITE A STORY BUT AN INCREDIBLE PIECE OF WORK!Maple and Baobab 1:28pm
NOT A STORY BUT WILL HAUNT EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO EVER READS IT FOREVERMichael Field 1:42pm
NICE WRITING FOR A DEAD GUY (THIS IS AN INSIDE JOKE)Jed Cullan 2:22pm
NOT TOO OFTEN I FEEL BAD FOR ALLIGATORS AND PYTHONSCraig 3:19pm
NOT QUITE A STORY, BUT YOU DO WANT TO KEEP READING!Nickola Vukoja 4:29pm
A PHRASE WE REALLY NEED TO SEE MORE OF:"flatulent Roman candles"Lance 5:23pm
My parents won't let me date a supervillain."BP 9:34pm
AN HOMAGE TO FABULOUS PATRICK LEE AND RUNNER!"Where's the heroic Sam Dryden when you need him?"Stacey Noneya 8:59pm
There were eleven entries that made it to the final round. I had to slice it down to a manageable number. It's getting harder and harder to figure out who makes the final cut!
And here are the six finalists:
"(1) Brent Salish 12:07pm"Masks on."
-We do this a lot. Third time today.
"Bad out there."
-In here too. Too much O2, even this dirt's flammable.
"Something's... moving."
-And I'm supposed to stop it? I didn't sign up for this heroic shit. I'm a-
"Scientist. I know. But Ohanna's been AWOL two days. I warned him. Vigilant, ever vigilant."
-Gone native. From caring too much. Wakes up, discovers he's a Martian.-
"There! Again. I'll open the hatch. You check."
-My God! Ohanna! No.... Close it! Close it!-
"It's okay. Got it. What about...?"
-Did what you told him. Vigilant, vigilant. Became... a lert!"
"(2) Annaka 12:25pm"She's fallen for an alittle."
I froze. Had my guardians spotted me?
"She'll have to unfall. Alots don't associate with such folk. Weren't you alert to the risk?"
I scooted behind the drapes as their steps shuffled closer.
"I'd forgotten how inflammable a teenager's heart can be. Those alittles seem so caring and dashing, but they're shallow as puddles."
I caught my breath in outrage.
"What was that?"
I made a heroic dash for the door, but my horn caught the drapes, and I wound up in a tangle on the floor.
So much for alittle romance.
"(3)Deborah 1:53pm"
"Holy flammable pajamas, Batman; that was heroic!"
I was standing in a puddle of glass shards and Merlot. "That was my last bottle."
"Better the last lot of vino than a single mouse in the pantry."
"You are so alert-and caring." I whisked the tea towel off the counter to dab my boots. "In case you missed it, the mouse survived-thank Gotham."
"It...survived?" My friend clambered on the counter. "OMG where?!"
"Disappeared under the stove," I said. "Now quit being such a ninny Cat Woman and get me the Bat-Vac. I've a sudden need to fly to France."
(4) Bill Scott 10:44p "Procuring the child's hotdog - easy.
Giving it up after it's already in one's mouth - hard.
Alert to incoming cars, she dropped a chunk in the busy intersection, then left a morsel trail back to the gate.
Paw on latch, Cat smiled.
Dog drooled.
Careful. Dog wasn't as stupid as he looked, and the uncaring bastard had a flammable temper. Dog's keen sense of smell led him down the trail. You'd think he'd smell himself, take minute to bathe. Foul beast.
She liked the sound of screeching tires, liked it lots.
Now for the heroics, rescue Kitty from the backyard's elm.
(5) Gabriella 4:39am"
"Cause of death on the cake decorator?" asked Detective Caring.
"Deep brain injury. Weapon was a red pen shoved up his nasal cavity," said Sergeant Flammable.
"Witnesses, alert bystanders?"
"Nope, and nobody made any heroic efforts to hide the weapon, indicating a crime of passion. Luckily the victim kept pictures of all his cakes; these're the last ten."
"What's the story on this?" asked Caring, pointing to a cake inscribed: Thank's Alot Miss P!
"Party for Miss Perfetto, retired from the Times after 45 years."
"Forty five years doing what?"
"Says here she was a copy editor.
And the winner in a grand slam, clear the bases, come from behind home run to win the game entry:
"(6) Kelli Carley 6:42pm"
They gathered around Dumbassery Inc., tossing flammables into a heap.
Could Of and Would Of alerted the press. There were hyphens, apostrophes, a Could Care Less.
Alot was so caring he even brought booze. The Theres drank it up and uncoiled the fuse.
Affect and Effect giggled with delight. Lie and Lay couldn't wait to watch it ignite.
Dont poured the gas and Cant lit the matches. Dumbassery Inc. was now nothing but ashes.
Scotch was passed 'round and apostrophes claimed. Misspellings corrected, bad grammar shamed.
Heroic indeed, we will always remember, the day bad grammar died with the embers.
Kelli if you'll email me your mailing address I'll send you a copy of Hyperbole and A Half by Allie Brosh. If you already have a copy or would rather have something else, let me know.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to enter. I loved reading these!
Congrats to all those who made the final cut, and the finalists as well!
Origin: quickpua.blogspot.com
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