Nice Review Of Be A Happier Parent With Nlp From Sisters Magazine

SISTERSREADS Be a Happier Parent with NLP ('Teach Yourself' Series) Written by Judy Bartkowaik Published by Hodder Education (2011) Reviewed by Suma Din 'Parent' and 'NLP', the word and acronym in the title appealed tome instantly. Why? The first has been the one 'occupation' I'vebeen engrossed in for just over seventeen years and the second acuriosity, what exactly is NLP? Since acquaintances have trainedin this type of therapy, and happiness is that illusive state we're allwistful for, I didn't hesitate to pick up this title whilst on a virtualwalk about, grazing for parenting fodder. The book is written for lay-parents without specialist knowledge ofthe subject. It opens with an explanation of what NLP stands for. Itis a coaching therapy which combines Neuro - as in our beliefs andattitudes, Linguistic - what we say and how we communicate andProgramming- our patterns of behaviour. NLP explores how ourbeliefs and attitudes affect the way we communicate and behave,and what effect this has on those around us. It is fast becoming a popular therapy for families and children. It ishelpful that the first half of the book - four chapters in all - explainsthe principles in a practical way that can be used instantly. From the outset, the author Judy Bartkowaik, a qualified MasterPractitioner and Counsellor, explains why she addresses mothersin particular: 'NLP is particularly effective in changing the negativeemotions that women experience more than men, namely, lack ofconfidence, guilt and fear of conflict' (p.12) Sounds familiar? If we'rehonest with ourselves, just as the author is, we know parenting isa difficult job. And so this book begins with you and me, askingus to examine how we see our identity, communication and timemanagement (after the initial chapter on getting to grips with theNLP ground rules). The rules are built on easy to digest gems (as opposed to academictheory) such as; 'There is no failure, only feedback' and 'You havethe resources to do whatever you want to do' and the mostoft-repeated maxim in the book 'The map is not the territory'. Inessence, this reminds readers that our 'map' may be vast, includingour work, relationships, politics and so forth, however a child'sterritory is on a smaller scale, and requires us as parents (or siblings)to look at their world by stepping into their shoes; perspective iskey. Judy has a gentle, but direct style in making the reader stopand think about each of the rules before they think about puttingthem into practice in their household. Taking a look at the internal mirror can be difficult, so there arepractical, down-to-earth exercises to help us through. Some of theexercises are questionnaire-style to establish our thought patternsand how we communicate. Other exercises involve a fair amountof visualisation: 'close your eyes and imagine...', 'now picture this',so reading this book at a peaceful time of the day or night whenyou can focus on the exercises is a good idea to get the most outof it. The further I got into the first half of the book, the more I feltcomfortable in the company of the author. She is someone I couldtrust, who herself is a real mother and not-so-perfect woman,sharing real scenarios and dilemmas. From the outset, there arefrequent 'case studies', 'insights' and 'tips' boxed off, where theauthor gives examples from her own life and from the lives ofthose she knows. Her openness and honesty struck me, as thepersonal examples relate to her parents and, quite frequently, herown husband and children. This was refreshing, as the didactic,inexperienced voice is the last thing a parent needs. Having grasped the practical concepts, the second half of thebook relates NLP to our relationship with our children. For parentswith pre- and primary school aged children, the examples willresonate with their own reality. Even though I have older children,the scenarios instantly reminded me of the lengthy discussionsabout food, friends, discipline, tantrums, house moving and schoolmoving, when they were all in the 4-10 years age range. In spiteof many examples being about younger children, I still found thesecond half of the book relevant to older children, as the subjectsof lacking confidence, coping with guilt and coping with conflictare part and parcel of growing up and parenting. Solutions tothese recurring issues are found in more concrete strategies suchas 'perceptual positioning' or looking at things from someoneelse's perspective, for both the child and parent. It's no surprisethat language and communication are at the heart of many of thestrategies. Reading this book as a Muslim mother, I found it very reassuring.I now understand why so many sisters have either attendedNLP counselling or gone to train as NLP practitioners; it is verycompatible with the context of our faith. Much of the advice-expecting good intentions, speaking positively, building rapportthrough communication, modelling 'examples of excellence'(p.204) - echo what we encounter in the Sunnah. So am I a 'HappierParent' as the title promises? 'Empowered' is how I felt when Iclosed the book, and for that, I'm happy! Suma Din is the author of non-fiction, educational titles. She is marriedwith three children and lives in Buckinghamshire, UK.